The Holy Trinity of composers (Humor)

This is a funny little thing I cooked up a while ago and posted on my old blog. Dave Segal from The Stranger came across it and wrote this: 

http://lineout.thestranger.com/lineout/archives/2012/06/25/gods-chosen-composers-according-to-one-21-year-old-blogger

I subsequently added "(Humor)" to the title of the blog post, and then removed it completely. In any case, since it has to do with classical composers I thought it would be fitting to repost it on this blog for fun.
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After close examination of the birth dates, death dates and lifespans of several of the greatest composers who ever lived, I have concluded that God played a hand in sending them to earth, and devised patterns to reveal his intervention.

The patterns all revolve around the number six, which you may say is the devil's number, but let me remind you that God created the world in six days, that there are six points on the star of david, and that six is the atomic number of carbon, the chemical without which we could not exist.

God's plan was to send a Holy Trinity of composers that would rival all others, sending each one six years after the death of the former. He waited until music on earth evolved to the point of being worthy of Him, and by 1685 he felt that this had happened, so he sent Bach, the first of the Holy Trinity. The year 1685 is rooted in the sixth century of a millennium, and is eclipsed by the numbers one and five, which make another six. What remains is eight, standing for divine infinity.

Bach lived until 1750, and according to God's plan, gave us a tremendous output of divine music. Six years after his death God sent Mozart to be the next of the Holy Trinity. Everything was going great with Mozart, and God was already prepping Beethoven to be the next of the Holy Trinity, but that's where something went a little wrong. Beethoven said "I'm not going to be part of this trinity plan of yours. I'm going now!" and he went to earth in 1770, long before Mozart's death. It should be noted that the year 1770 does still result in six (1 + 7 + 7 + 0 = 15. 1 + 5 = 6). Beethoven wasn't entirely abandoning God's aesthetic, but he was doing it his own way.

Beethoven's defiance surprised and angered God, who began to devise a new composer to be the third of the Trinity. After Mozart died in 1791, God sent Schubert six years later in 1797 to be the replacement "holy ghost" of the Trinity. However, Beethoven, having originally been destined for the Trinity, would be the greater of the two composers, though his individualism would forever veer the course of music away from the path God had intended. Schubert, though he did end up the third part of the Trinity, was not God's first choice and therefore has a taint of mortality in some of his music.

It is interesting to note that six years after Beethoven prematurely went to earth, America declared independence from Britain, reflecting Beethoven's fiery independence with another six-year gap.

Before we go into what God did with the slightly disjunct situation he was left with, let's bring to light a few more connections involving the Holy Trinity and Beethoven.

Mozart's grandfather was born six years before Bach, in 1679.

Beethoven's 'Eroica' Symphony was composed six years after Schubert's birth, the first symphonic foundation of the Romantic period.

There were 41 years between the births of Mozart and Schubert, reflecting the divine 41st 'Jupiter' Symphony.

Bach was born in March, and Mozart died in December. Beethoven was born in December and died in March, eclipsing in reverse the lifespans of both the Father and Son of the Holy Trinity, again reflecting his opposition to God's path.

So, the Holy Trinity ended up officially being Bach, Mozart and Schubert, though in reality in terms of compositional quality it is still Bach, Mozart and Beethoven, Beethoven having been the one God first destined for the third spot. But God knew that Beethoven's aesthetics in music would lead to the destruction of music ultimately, so six years after Beethoven's death he sent Brahms to try and correct the course of the Beethoven trajectory. Brahms was a classicist, turning back to old values and ideals in composing his music, and working against ideas forwarded by composers like Wagner.

But it was too late.

Six years after Wagner died, Hitler was born. Six years after Hitler died, Schoenberg died. Wagner contributed to the destruction of music by stretching tonality to its limits, and Schoenberg then destroyed it completely, and we find these two composers eclipsing the lifespan of Hitler with the same six-year gap. In addition, World War II lasted six years. Clearly some other power came into play along the way, drastically altering God's original plan.

In any case, we do have the music of Bach, Mozart and Beethoven to prove that these patterns aren't a coincidence, though it is fascinating that Beethoven simultaneously fulfilled his mission as a Divine composer while also breaking away from God. Schubert ends up a composer who is a very close fourth place after the first three, and when we look at the patterns I've laid out here, we can understand much clearer his slightly awkward place in the compositional hierarchy. He has divine music, but he doesn't quite stand on the same pedestal with the original Holy Trinity.

The fact that the third of the Trinity was a rebel who used God's gift to take humanity in its own direction is a religious and theological allegory to so many things that we see in the world today. If the devil is real, surely it was he who veered the path off course, but surely there can be no doubt, listening to the music of Bach and Mozart, that the original plan was a beautiful one from beginning to end.